Shovels
by LTC
Summary: IU7 returns and is targeting one of Zeta's friends! But it isn't who you think. Trust me, you haven't thought of this one. Rated for nonsensicalness.


Author's Note~ All I can say is, please forgive me. I have fanfiction on my computer, I post it, no matter how evil it truly is, no matter how much I'd be doing to world a favor by throwing it to the recycle bin! I warn you not to read, but if you do anyway, I am not responsible for the permanent brain damage that you will receive by reading a fic that makes as little sense as this. Thank you.  
  
Agent Marcia Lee was driving along in her van. She sighed- the sun had already completely vanished behind the horizon, and it was growing dark. She knew she had to get back to Headquarters, since she was carrying something very important and dangerous in her jacket pocket. But it wouldn't hurt if she just stopped for a quick bite. . .  
  
She knew the perfect place to go. Her old partner and close friend Orrin West had his apartment very nearby, and since he would undoubtedly be on duty, he wouldn't mind if she just popped in real quickly. So she pulled off the magway onto the nearest exit, and drove up to West's apartment.  
  
Lee was entering the key code for his apartment, when the door swung wide open. There was West, dressed in brown slacks and a striped blue shirt instead of the uniform she usually saw him in, wearing a huge grin on his face.  
  
"Hi, Marci! You remembered!"  
  
"I wha- Orrin? What are you doing home?"  
  
"I know, I'm surprised too. You know how we used to joke about how the boss never gave days off for anything, but when I asked him if I could have leave on my birthday, he seemed almost eager to give it to me. Must be 'cause I'm one of the more experienced agents- you get more perks."  
  
"Oh, heheh, yeah. . ." Lee muttered nervously, having completely forgotten about West's birthday.  
  
"Well, come in, I have cake. I remembered you don't like chocolate this year."  
  
"Oh, thanks, Orrin. . ." Lee said, feeling guiltier by the second as she followed him inside. They sat down at the table, and West cut her a slice of vanilla cake.  
  
"You alright? You look a little. . .squirmy."  
  
Lee laughed nervously. "Yeah, just a little hot," she said, taking off her jacket and putting it over the back of the chair. She breathed heavily and began eating her cake. West followed her with a quizzical look. Finally, she said "Um. . .you know what? Forgot an errand I have to run for my boss. I'll be back really soon." Lee dashed out the door.  
  
Agent West knew that something strange was going on, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Lee was acting weird, almost like she forgot his birthday. But Lee never forgot birthdays. She must be trying to trick him- an object on the floor caught his eye. It was a little computer chip, and it looked like it had fallen out of Lee's jacket pocket.  
  
Now he knew what was going on. Lee had left him a birthday present. Lee was always playing little tricks like that. Looked like a new vid game. . .West inspected it carefully.  
  
"Awesome!" he popped the chip in the computer upstairs. Hmm, the game seemed to be some sort of blueprints. It looked like you have to build some kind of robot. . .but it seemed pretty easy. You press a button to activate, to order parts, and it's on its way! It must get harder later. But he was interrupted from his game by Lee, knocking on the door. He ran down and let her in.  
  
She was carrying in her hand a holocard. "Hey, y'know what, I accidentally left this in my car," she said, grinning nervously. He flipped it on, and an automated voice came up along with a picture of a cake. "Happy Birthday, Orrin! Your friend, Marcia. You are receiving a $30 credit at the Gizmo Shack of your choice."  
  
West grinned back at her. "Oh, uh, thanks, Marcia, for my, uh, one and only birthday gift from my dear friend," he winked heartily. She looked confused.  
  
"Um, right, then. Well, yeah, I'd better go."  
  
"Bye! Take care now." Lee picked her jacket up off the chair, not understanding why West was winking at her again. Was he coming on to her? She'd always thought that West was a little cute, but now he was just being strange. Lee hurriedly ran out to the car, trying to decipher West, her mission completely forgotten.  
  
West returned upstairs, but found that the computer game was still working on "Ordering Parts." He decided to run out to Gismo Shack and spend his free creds, hoping that the ordering would be completed when he returned. He wanted to get some playing time in before he had to go to sleep- he'd be returning to duty tomorrow.  
  
But to West's disappointment, it hadn't even finished the next morning when he put on his suit and went off to work.  
  
~*~  
  
IU7 was almost rebuilt. After the NSA agent had reactivated his CPU chip, he had spent a week ordering new parts, this time trying to cover up his trail. He couldn't remember why, but he did have some memory of someone following him via ordered parts another time. But now, his frame had been built and his weapons restored. He just had to get to work on restoring his damaged memory.  
  
He knew there was a target, but he wasn't sure who it was. He'd just have to search the few files left in his database until he found a memory of a hostile subject. But his own system seemed to be working again him. The pictures he had were either trivial or inconclusive. Finally, he found one that stood out. Yes. A blonde girl that he was unable to identify was standing over his head. Clasped in her small hands was a long shovel, poised to attack his former body. Now he had a clear view as to who he had to find. He sent the mission synopsis to every part of his body, preparing his systems for the hunt. Now he was ready to fulfil his programming and destroy. He tromped out of the house with one thought on his mind.  
  
[Terminate Target: Shovel]  
  
~*~  
  
Zeta sat on a bench in the brightly lit room, listening to the strange sort of music Ro liked blaring around him. Ro certainly was taking a long time. He walked up to the door and knocked on her dressing room. He remembered to knock this time, because last time he had flung it open and Ro had yelled at him for a surprisingly long period of time, although she had been mostly dressed when he had done it.  
  
"What?" Ro asked from inside.  
  
"Are you almost done?"  
  
Ro opened the door, dressed in the clothes she had come to the mall in. She was carrying several outfits over her arm.  
  
"Yep, I just wanna buy these. And we have to go check out some shoes, too. Plus, I think there's a sale over at Alyson Everett's. Creds?" Ro said quickly, and Zee instantly handed over his cred cards. Ro led them forward into the mall.  
  
"Um, Ro?" Zee asked.  
  
"What is it?" she said, without turning around.  
  
"I've been wondering- why do you buy so many things if you're just going to leave them behind?"  
  
Ro stopped in her tracks and spun around, looking embarrassed. "Yeah, sorry. If you mind, I won't-"  
  
"Oh, no!" Zee assured her quickly. "I don't mind, I was just curious."  
  
Ro laughed, relieved. She didn't want to give up buying more clothes. "Okay, then, um, I guess it's just because sometimes it's fun to buy stuff just for the sake of buying it."  
  
Zee raised his eyebrow, a habit he had picked up from her. "I don't understand."  
  
Ro shrugged, still in a good mood. "Look, why don't I pay for this stuff with my cred card today, and you go try it out!"  
  
"Try it out?"  
  
Ro nodded. "Just go into a store, find something you want, and buy it! It doesn't matter what it is or if you need it."  
  
Zee nodded. "Alright then, I'll meet you at the car when I'm done?"  
  
Ro was already on her way to Alyson Everett's. "See you then," she called, waving. Zeta nodded to himself.  
  
"Right. . .buy something. . ."  
  
~*~  
  
Ro walked into the food court, several shopping bags in hand. She'd need to get Zee to recharge her cred card, but she didn't really mind. She glanced around, and he was already sitting at a table, grinning and holding a large shopping bag from Gilman's Hardware. 'Interesting choice,' thought Ro.  
  
"Hey, Zee! How was your shopping experience?"  
  
Zee smiled broadly. "You were right, Ro! It was fun!"  
  
Ro was very surprised at this- she hadn't actually expected Zee to understand- it was a bit of a strange concept. But judging by the grin on his face, he did.  
  
"So, what'd you buy, tin man?"  
  
Zeta opened his bag and proudly showed her his purchase. Ro shook her head, disbelieving.  
  
"You bought a shovel."  
  
Zeta nodded.  
  
"A shovel."  
  
"Yes, Ro. Do you like it?"  
  
"Um. . .yeah. Interesting."  
  
~*~  
  
Ro and Zee where driving along a bright country road. Zee was still grinning broadly, and every once in awhile he'd cast a protective glance to the back seat.  
  
"I'm glad I bought my shovel, Ro."  
  
Ro nodded. "Well, yeah, Zee, but must you keep it seat-belted back there?"  
  
Zee stared at her. "Ro! We do a lot of reckless driving when Bennett's after us. What if we got in an accident?"  
  
Ro sighed and looked out the window, but out of the corner of her eye she sees the shovel. Stupid shovel, she hated it. If Zee liked some shovel better than her. . .  
  
"Now we're like a big family."  
  
"This has got to be the weirdest family in existence."  
  
"I think we should have a family picnic," Zee remarked, remembering a custom he had once heard about.  
  
"But. . .neither of you eat. . ."  
  
Zee cocked his head at her, looking endearing. "We can still have a picnic."  
  
Ro sighed and gave in. They stopped in a little park, and Zee pulled a blanket out of the car, as well as a picnic basket. Nobody knew how they got in there, but it was a lovely picnic regardless.  
  
Suddenly, the lovely atmosphere changed. A loud stomping came up the path. Zeta looked with his keen eyesight and saw a large synthoid coming up the path.  
  
"IU7" he whispered. Ro jumped up, and put her arm on Zee, feeling that somehow this would protect him. Zee turned to her and met her eyes.  
  
"Ro, take shovel and go. It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off-"  
  
Ro opened her mouth to protest, but with a look from Zee, she realized he was serious. She squeezed him tightly, then grabbed the shovel and began running for the car, trying not to think about how stupid she was trying to get a shovel to safety. But from the clomping footsteps behind her, she knew she wasn't going to make it. Ro didn't understand. What did he want from her?  
  
"Ro!" Zee shouted frantically. The giant synthoid grabbed her, and she struggled against him. But, before she could protest, he wrenched the shovel out of her arms and snapped it in half and in half again. Then, dropping the pieces to the ground, he tromped off again.  
  
Ro sat there, on the ground, staring after him. "Oookay. . .that was interesting. C'mon, Zee, let's g- Zee?"  
  
Zee was holding the broken shovel pieces in his hands, looking tragically remorseful.  
  
"This is all my fault. You act so t-"  
  
"Zee!" Ro interjected quickly, sensing Zee was about to go into one of his 'moods.' "We can get you another shovel, okay?"  
  
Zee spun around, a trembling anger across his features. Ro started- she had never seen him like this. "Z-zee?"  
  
"You think I can just. . .just replace it?"  
  
"Yeah. . ." Ro said slowly.  
  
"Oh, alright then," Zee said agreeably. The two of them skipped off merrily into the sunset.  
  
~*~  
  
Meanwhile. . .  
  
Little Timmy was playing in the sandbox with his best friend, Bobby. The small boy was building a sandcastle while Bobby would dash off to the drinking fountain to get water for the moat. The moat kept absorbing the water, but the little boys kept filling it up.  
  
Suddenly, the sun was covered in a layer of cloud, making the shadows across the playground eerie and strange. Everything had suddenly become silent, except for the ominous cawing of crows in the distance. A murder of crows took flight from the tree nearby where they had been nestled, and fluttered off speedily.  
  
And then the noise came. Calm and quiet at first, but each second it was louder and more foreboding, shaking the sandbox that the two innocent children played in. Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. Bobby clutched Timmy for safety, and the two boys shivered, knowing something was coming. Something bad. Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. The sounds grew closer, closer, every second a bit closer.  
  
It was a loud, unearthly clomping. It seemed every animal in the deserted playground knew that a great evil would take place. Birds stopped flying about. Squirrels stopped throwing acorns at innocent passer-by. Even the flies stopped buzzing, but instead each one fell over, dead.  
  
And then, through the trees, came a great metal monstrosity. It clomped towards to boys, its great red eyes like a vicious fire ant locking on little Timmy. The boy whimpered and closed his eyes. IU7 picked up the little plastic sandbox shovel he held in his pudgy little hand, and snapped it in half.  
  
[Terminate Target: Shovel] He said menacingly, and clomped off.  
  
The End? 


End file.
